The Next Best Option To A Husband: Goldfish

Contributing Writer: Leslie Foster

The Goldfish in the Room

                Once upon a time, God said it was not good for man to be alone.  I would suggest that it is also not good for this woman to be alone.  When I moved three states from home last fall, I braced myself for feeling alone, and the feeling didn’t let me down.  I know that God is faithful and that He has promised to meet our needs, and I am hopeful that he is in the process of working out a permanent roommate for me.  In the meantime I decided to get some fish.

                I like pets.  Growing up on a small farm, there were always animals around of some sort.  My mom loved Siamese cats, and generally had one or two living in the house.  We always either had a dog, or were in the process of getting one.  And then there were chickens, geese, pigs, cows, and even a horse.  I also had a slow parade of fish, birds, and hamsters over the years. 

               Now let me clarify: at no point did I or anyone else ever think that I would turn out to be a vet.  I didn’t sing and accidentally gather small woodland creatures with oversized eyes to my feet.  But I’ve always enjoyed pets.  Pets aren’t as good as people, especially from the perspective of an extreme extrovert such as myself.  But pets, and in my case, goldfish, are a fair second choice to people.  Here’s why.

                Goldfish give you someone to talk to.  This is an important point.  These last eight months have taught me that, given enough alone time, I will start talking to nothing.  Literally.  Out loud.  It’s embarrassing, even though I’m alone.  Kind of like how you wait until you’re in an empty elevator to take care of that wedgie that’s been plaguing you.  Even though no one can see you, you still feel a little awkward about it.  But now that I have goldfish in my apartment, I can talk to them.  They’re not responsive so far, but I am confident they’ll warm up to me with time.

                Pets never complain about your choice in music, your poor housekeeping skills, or the way that you wake them up early by doing your yoga workout video before work.  They are happy to eat most of their lives from the $1.59 container of goldfish flakes that you bought them, which saves you a lot of money.  They don’t fight with you or each other.  They don’t stay out late and wake you up when they get in.  Perhaps most importantly, they never swipe a can of Diet Dr. Pepper while you’re not looking.  All in all, they’re really quite easy to get along with, goldfish.

                And finally, goldfish make my apartment feel less lonely.  One day, I hope to live as part of a family again.  I expect to be annoyed by someone’s dirty socks lying in the living room for the third consecutive day.  I plan to feel frustrated when, after an hour of working in the kitchen, I present a meal that is met with a distinct lack of appreciation.  And I am confident that I will have noticeably less time for napping, sleeping late, and going to bed early.  I hope that one day, these things will be a part of my life.  But in the interim, I mean to enjoy my low-maintenance pseudo-friend: my new goldfish.

image via flicker-JoSullivan.59

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9 Responses to “The Next Best Option To A Husband: Goldfish”

  1. April 16, 2012 at 7:28 am #

    I agree that it’s really healthy to have a pet. Especually if you live alone. I got a dog a few years ago. Now I’m married, but we LOVE our dog, he’s part of our family. It’s nice to have someone to talk to when you’re alone.

  2. Lauren
    April 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm #

    Leslie, as always you make me laugh and think all at the same time and I quite like the double feature when you whit and heart are the inspiration 🙂 Loving you from not-so-far away <3

  3. joliedc
    April 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

    oh hooray for the humble goldfish, even if they haven’t been as responsive as they could have been, ha!

  4. Tracie
    April 17, 2012 at 7:29 am #

    Nicely written, Leslie…as usual! 🙂 Love you! 🙂

  5. April 17, 2012 at 8:07 am #

    Lol you make me laugh! This is such a fun post! Thanks for linking up to Party Time at So Very Creative!

  6. Kathleen Ang-Dalseno
    April 18, 2012 at 2:25 am #

    Thanks Leslie for sharing! It’s so funny what you wrote. I have a basil plant, or rather, I have had many basil plants, and they are always called Robert. Plants are my favourite pets, especially basil, because I can also eat it.

    Other than that, when I am alone at home, I love to talk to God loudly. God doesn’t qualify as pet, or a lesser option to a husband, but He is very nice to talk to.

  7. April 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm #

    Leslie, thank you for being so open. And your sense of humor made me smile. I’m glad the fish are working out. We have fish, too, and my son loves them. Thank you for sharing this at What Joy Is Mine.

  8. April 25, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

    Well, he is a handsome little fish!

  9. May 21, 2016 at 8:14 pm #

    goldfish don’t excret foul odor, they have phtographic memory and will recognize you even your footstep they will recognize it.

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