I normally don’t share like this on my e-zine because I have a blog for my personal family life ramblings but I really feel like I need to write this to encourage you in your journey. I purposely left out all the details of the situation because my hope is not to exalt the evil being done but instead to bring hope to the downtrodden that have found themselves in my place and to remind them that we can stand blameless with great joy before Him! Can I hear an amen!
I finally had a moment to grieve but nothing would come forth. I sat there, while the warm water rushed over me yet I my soul felt cold and numb. I wanted to cry but the tears lay suspended in my heart.
Once again I found myself in an all too familiar situation.
Once again I was allowing His truth to be buried under the rubble of destruction and pain I was feeling. But not just any destruction, it was human destruction. The kind that hurts to the core: hatred, lies, gossip and anger.
Even though it has been well over 6 years, since the last time I had a person physically and emotionally tear my world apart with their insecurity, lies, anger and their unstable emotional health it now felt like an open wound. Even though I came to a place of forgiveness though no apologies were ever made, I still I found myself reliving all of those feelings again. Those feelings that had found calm in the midst of the storm were now being stirred and haunting me once again.
I sat there shaking–another human tornado was out to destroy.
But in the midst of the darkness I felt, flashes of His truth would cross my mind:
He is my refuge.
He is Truth.
He shines in the darkness.
He is for me and I have nothing to be afraid.
I’m fighting. I’m fighting the pain. Unsure of why I can’t let the tears come forth. Why I won’t let myself fully feel the pain.
Suddenly my heart lets go of the darkness and His truth breaks the numbness. And I begin to feel. I feel a little warmth at my finger tips.
The flood opens wide and I’m reminded why I didn’t want to feel. It hurts too much to feel the pain. My emotions find freedom and the tears have now turned into sobbing.
I’m still fighting.
The tears stop because I’m unable to fully embrace the hurt. It’s too much. I am overcomed by my situation and the evil nature of the people involved. More bawling.
I sit quietly once again. He gently approaches me again and begins to whisper His truth. His truth begins to rise up once again, from the rubble and the darkness. He ever so sweetly reminds me:
Love your enemies.
Pray for your enemies.
He is greater.
He is our healer.
Out of ashes you will rise.
You will stand blameless with fullness of joy before His presence.
Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy. Jude 24
I utter their names. Their names.
The names of my enemies. I pray.
“Lord, I don’t hate them but I also don’t know how to love them. Help me feel your healing hand. Help them see your Truth. Your salvation.
Awaken in me, Lord. Awaken in me. I want your peace. I have walked around in the darkness buried by the lies.
Arise oh my soul. Arise.
I trust you! I believe your truth. Not for one minute have I doubted Your greatness in the midst of this but still I carry the burden, my joy has been robbed. My soul is downtrodden.
Awaken in me, oh Lord.”
This has been going on in my head for about thirty minutes in between sobs and silence.
He calls. Arise, arise my beloved. The silence is broken!
He brings me to stand on my two feet and my hands go up in the air. I am not a “hands in the air” kind of girl, but nevertheless, my arms stood there suspended, hanging in mid-air symbolically saying to God, “It’s yours, take it.”
“Help me Lord, help me leave this in your hands. Awaken your truth in me that is now buried in the ashes “
At that moment I lifted my pain to Him and Chris Tomlin’s song began playing and with boldness and with tears I sang:
“Let faith arise. I lift my hands to believe again. You are my refuge. You are my strength. As I pour out my heart….. I remember you are faithful God forever.”
Surely, I will rise like the sun in the darkness. Let the Smile of your face Shine on me, Lord. Psalms 4:6
Sometimes we have to call our faith to rise up out of the darkness. Not because we don’t believe but because it has been buried in the rubble of destruction and pain. You can’t see clearly.
Sometimes we have to call our soul to awaken and to rise out of the ashes. Not because we have lost our hope but because we are weak.
Even though we have been holding on with a tight grip, our hands go numb and we lose feeling, we lose our joy. The truth gets distorted and we begin to question.
At that moment He holds out his hand and reaches for ours, to help us rise again.
Arise my friend. May He awaken in you, what He has given to you. Don’t just claim His truth, but believe it even if you have to do it every 10 minutes.
“Arise and shine for your light has come and the Glory of the Lord rises upon you. Isaiah 60:1
What are ways you find encouragment in the midst of hard times?
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