Why is it so hard to make mom friends?
Before I became a mom I had no problem making friends. In fact, in my single years and prior to having children I had lots of mom friends but when I became a mom things changed drastically. But I wasn’t going to let these barriers keep me from the beautiful friendships that were to be made. Yes, In the past 9 years I have been hurt along the way but the sweet memories I have of each girlfriend God has put in my life far outweighs those thorns that have crossed my path.
Here are my observations on friendships with mom and some challenges for the moms who are reading this.
1. Sometimes it takes time to get beyond the safe conversations like: Babies sleeping schedule. She refused to eat her veggies at lunch. The silly things he said. The mischievous thing she did. As moms we can talk about these things for hours. This is our world and it’s what comes easy. There is nothing wrong with this type of sharing but it definitely makes it hard to get to know someone on a deeper level if it stays at this level of sharing.
Don’t be afraid to challenge us to go deeper.
Mom, I challenge you to go beyond this safe sharing and start building bridges of friendship that will last by taking the next step and sharing beyond.
2. With all friendships, spending time together is important, unfortunately, some days as moms we don’t have time. Joey got sick so you cancel your playdate. Lucy was up all night so no one is up for company. It’s Tuesday and you volunteer in Daniel’s class. And honestly sometimes for us moms, it’s easier to hide behind our children and use them as excuses so we dont’ have to face the fears we have with making friends.
Don’t be afraid to ask how can you help.
Mom, I challenge you today, if you’re hiding and using your kids as excuses, stop. When the lady you met at playgroup calls to get together, accept. If your friend got tired of calling and asking then you take the initiative and schedule a playdate.
3. Moms can be intimidating. Remember how you felt in middle school when you walked into the cafeteria holding your lunch tray scoping out a place to sit, but not wanting to make eye contact with anyone just in case they gave you the “you better not sit with us” look? I have felt that way one too many times walking into a playgroup or school function setting. Some moms have this I have it all together and my life is perfect way about them, that can be intimidating.
Don’t be afraid to walk up to us and strike a conversation.
Mom, I challenge you to look around outside your social circle and welcome that new mom to playgroup. Invite her to join in to your little groups conversation.
4. Our guards are up. We are constantly being judged and attacked by complete strangers so we walk around with our guard up. I have to show the world that I am a good mom, a smart mom, a healthy mom, a spiritual mom… My decisions to: Spank my children. Homeschool my children. Send my kids to the top private school. Nurse them until they’re 3. Join the gym to lose the baby fat. Whatever it maybe, I need to prove that these things are working. So I am not going to breakdown and tell you that Lily is actually doing worse after I decided to home school. her. It’s hard for us to be real when we have to stand behind our choices in a world that is constantly judging us for our decisions. We are so used to walking around with our guard up that we don’t even realize when it carries over to other things and we find ourselves filled with jealousy, bitterness or insecurities.
Don’t be afraid to ask us about our decisions and how it’s going with a sincere interest?
Mom I challenge you to take a moment and think about why you won’t let that guard down. Was it because you were hurt? Are you jealous? Bitter? It’s time to let go and move on so you can develop some healthy relationships in your life.
Motherhood can be a challenging journey and we definitely need each other for support. So I encourage you dear moms who are hiding, or who have been hurt by other moms, or who are exhausted or who are shy or who are lonely… to reach out and connect. Don’t let these things become barriers instead accept the phase of life you’re in and stop making excuses and start being intentional about connecting with other moms.