I won’t even pretend we have a perfect marriage because–we don’t.
We love each other.
We are committed to each other.
But even with these firm beliefs, there’s that tiny detail that we often forget–we are human.
So, we hurt each other.
Now that you know I’m not speaking from a platform of “we’ve got it all together”, let me share what we do to keep connected in our marriage.
With every child that the Lord has blessed us with, our life gets busier. Our children are still young so they still depend on us for so much, our jobs and ministry are demanding, and in a matter of seconds our schedules can get crazy. But before you think you’re alone on this know that every couple faces this challenge–how to stay connected after kids. So, don’t worry it’s not just you.
We are busy. If you don’t believe me, I share what I do all day here. But in the midst of the busyness we HAVE to stay connected. We have to keep it a priority–for our sake and our kids.
Determine today to make it a priority in your marriage.
Let’s put on our big girl pants on and slip on those boxing gloves and fight for our marriage. And decide we will not stand and watch our marriage slip away from us. With the help and guidance of God we can be more than conquerors.
Take it from me we’ve done the disconnected and busy couple thing and it’s not pretty. I can do the quick updates and not connecting thing for a short time because there are times in our life that it just has to be that way. I can do this for a few days and even a couple of weeks but longer than that, it starts to get ugly around our house. Before I know it, we are living like roommates and everything he does begins to bother the heck out of me. Everything I say is quickly taken as an attack to his ears. So you see from there we are just spiraling downwards to what I call the “deep dark pit”. We’ve been there, in that dark place and I assure you, I never want to return to that dismal life-sucking hole.
For the past 12 years, we’ve tried a variety of ideas, activities and some of them worked and some just didn’t. But the 3 things I mentioned below are the ones that have stuck and seem to keep us sane and connected in the midst of the busyness. Try them, I hope it works for you.
3 Things That Keep Us Connected as a Couple
Pray together. We don’t just pray for each other but we pray with each other in the morning before he leaves to work. I can’t begin to tell you how this simple act saved our marriage and has kept us connected in the hard times. If we are good on time, then we ask how we can pray for each other. Otherwise, I have a list of verses that I pray for him out loud. Hopefully, I can post those verses for you at some point.
Chat. We catch up for 10-20 minutes shortly after he gets home–every day during the week. That’s the only way catching up can happen. He’s not a night person so catching up after we put the boys down, usually means I end up talking to myself and getting grunts, in response from him. For you newly weds, you don’t have to have a deep conversation–EVERY single time. But I do recommend for all of us no matter how long you’ve been married to try to use this time for more than just updating each other on what the kids did or what needs to get picked up at the grocery store…
For us, this is a time to just chat about everyday life, what we saw, what we read, what happened, what didn’t happen, how we felt… Everyone wants daddy’s time when he gets home so while I’m cooking my husband sits at the kitchen island and we chat. The kids aren’t allowed to come in and interrupt us for these 10-20 minutes unless there’s an emergency. My husband is good about keeping them out of the kitchen.
Play together. Spend time developing your friendship not just your romance. Romance is a feeling. It’s an “expressive and pleasurable feeling” according to the dictionary. Romance comes and goes but friendship is a role you choose to take on–a state of being. I remember in one of our “rough places” in our marriage we went on a date and rode bikes for a couple of hours. This time we had by ourselves to just be and laugh was a reminder to us, that we truly enjoy each others company. On the way back home we both looked at each other and said, “We may not have a perfect marriage at the moment but I sure am thankful that we know how to have fun together.
Playing together looks different for everyone but laughing together I would say is the common factor no matter what you choose to do. Sometimes we go on dates and we’re silly together, but other times we are just at the dinner table with the kids and we are having fun together as we play a game or recalling something hilarious. I love dancing so we’ve been known to put on music before or after dinner and just dance. I absolutely love when he takes me in his arms and whisks me away with a twirl or two. I’m big on making time for dates (see our ideas here) as a couple so make sure you make time to play together just as a couple. Find out what the other person likes and try it even if it’s not your thing.
Dates are super important and the time we get to really play is when we are on a date.
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