Since you’re reading this you’re probably already talking to your children about giving and doing the first 2 steps. It’s the last step that is usually overlooked.
Teaching Our Kids To Give and the One Thing We Changed that Made All the Difference
I’ve worked in non-profits pretty much all my life and one of the things I’ve learned is the importance of getting donors and volunteers to take ownership in order for them to become invested in the project.
We can talk to our kids about the importance of giving but it’s not going to get them anywhere until we teach them and if we want it to stick we need to involve them in it.
We usually do the first two but it’s the third one we lose sight of in the midst of the busyness.
- Tell me… talk to them about giving and what it looks like. Don’t be surprised if you have to constantly repeat the same message to them. As adults we forget, so it makes sense that we have to remind our kids. Another way we “tell them” is by reading books about generosity and empathy to get our kids thinking and talking about it. It’s one of my favorite ways. But don’t stop there because they will forget especially if it doesn’t come natural to them go on to step 2.
related article: Kid Books that Foster Empathy and Generosity - Teach Me… Model what generosity looks like in every day life at home. You can do it when you’re out at the store by smiling or asking the cashier how they are doing. You can discuss as family how to help when you see others in need.
A great way to remind is by giving them specific request. If your child runs out the store and forgets to hold the door you can say, “Hey bud can you help the lady behind us and leave the door open for her?” Don’t scold them for running ahead of everyone and forgetting to hold the door. Just gently remind them by giving them a specific request without the shaming. Or you can ask them a question to prompt them to remember. “Remember what we walk out the door and someone is right behind us?” This modeling is essential in helping them remember. - Involve me… Have your kids invest their time and their OWN money. Whether it’s doing a service project together and volunteering in your local community or going on a family mission trip. Find ways to get your kids of all ages involved our son started getting involved when he was 3 years old.
When our kids were little we started a tradition where they buy or make gifts for each other for Christmas or their birthday. They absolutely LOVED doing this. They couldn’t wait to see their sibling open the gift they had personally made or picked out. Have them use their own money when buying a gift for their sibling, neighbor, or family member.
Step 3 Is Usually Overlooked
I know why I have overlooked step 3 it’s because it’s easier. It’s easier for me to go out to the store when they are in school and buy the gift, wrap and it and tell them it’s ready at the door for them to take the next morning.
In the past because life is crazy busy what usually happens is I go shopping for the gift and I purchase it with our money. Sometimes I even wrap it and then as we get out of the car I hand it to them and they deliver it to the church or non-profit.
But I won’t do that again!
Not after what we personally saw with our own eyes what happened when we involved them in picking out the items. The ownership they felt after using their own money from their “save, spend & live” money system we use.
What made this years Christmas giving different was that our boys were invested in more than one way. Step #3 is of utter importance–Involve them!
In the past because life is crazy busy what usually happens is I go shopping for the gift and I purchase it with our money. Sometimes I even wrap it and then as we get out of the car I hand it to them and they deliver it to the church or non-profit.
But stop and ask yourself: What was my original intention when I said “yes” to this charitable contribution? Was it to do good in the world? Yes, but as a mom there was more to it. Was it to make a difference and teach your kids about giving? Yes! That’s why you said “yes”!
So don’t just stop at “telling & teaching” go on to step 3 and get them involved. It will take more time but it’s well worth it. I remember the first year we decided to have our kids buy or make each other presents. It was absolutely precious as a mother to watch them diligently go through each aisle and think through their siblings likes and wants.
This year when we “sponsored” a child for Christmas through a Christmas Shoebox ministry our boys not only invested their time but also their money. They thought through the details of giving these gifts with our help of course. This made all the difference!
- Have them save their own money for giving even if it’s a small amount encourage them to start this using their allowance or money from jobs. This will get them personally invested in the project.
related article: I share here our Save, Spend & Give money system - Think through the process. Talk to them about your values when it comes to buying & giving to those in need. So they are not just picking any gift that crosses their path.
related article: I share here How to Give Gifts to Those in Need - Go together to buy your item or volunteer together.
- If it’s a cause they can’t personally visit find a video or pictures to show them what they’re investing in. This is teaching them the value of personally being interested in what they support.
- You can pray. We pray for those ministries, organizations we are personally involved with whether it’s a one time give or regularly support them.
- Have them help you wrap the items.
What Happened When We Did This
Well, let’s just say I didn’t pick the best night to involve them but thankfully it didn’t back fire.
It was cold and late but I was determined to do gift giving differently that year, so I headed to the store with a toddler, 6 and 9 year old in the middle of the Christmas mall chaos.
What preceded to unfold before my eyes at the store left me in awe. My 3, 6 and 9 year old were impacted by this simple tweaking of our gift giving process. I’ll never go back to doing it the same way as before. Well, maybe I won’t go on a night when it’s cold and late. LOL
When we arrived at the store they immediately went to the cheap toys section so I had to remind them of our “giving rules” for the poor which is part of step 1 & 2 (I share here some other tips when giving):
- We don’t give junky toys that fall apart in a day.
- We don’t buy toys that constantly need battery replacements (or send the gift with a pack of batteries).
- We don’t give away things that are broken, stained, holes in it, don’t work…
- We buy within our means.
After walking around the toy section for an hour and redirecting them and reminding them of our “giving rules” they did get a little frustrated. This was all 3 steps in action because now I’m getting them involved. At the end they did find good sturdy toys that were within their budget and they were beaming!
I congratulated them for working so hard. I reminded them that they had made lots of sacrifices through out the year to save this money to help others. (They used money from their giving money system.)
I could tell they were proud of themselves. I realized though this took a lot longer than what I hoped for, it was the best thing we’d done.
My kids were ecstatic when we got to the counter! This was the first difference I saw from getting them involved. They were literally giddy with joy.
“You will have a greater blessing when you give than when you receive.” Acts 20:35
We got home and I had them wrap the toys and prepare the details of their gift. We watched a video of where the gifts were going and talked about why we were giving them gifts and how this act of kindness might impact the children receiving the gifts.
My son’s class has been participating in a kindness project all year long and their grand finale was to work on a Christmas program for the local orphanage and to donate gifts to them. It was absolutely precious to watch these young kids serve in this way and to watch the excitement in the faces of these little people as they opened up their presents.
My son’s heart was changed after watching the little boy from the orphanage open up the gift that he spent so much time picking out. He later came to me and said, “This was awesome!”
Yes, it would’ve been easier for me to have bought the gift with my money, picked out the gift myself and then showed it to them, but I’m NOT going back to that again. Especially not after what I witnessed that week.
I hope to continue planting seeds of service and generosity in the hearts of my children. I’ve come across some very stingy adults who lack compassion who don’t believe in giving and serving others. Hopefully that will not be my boys but if they do, you have my permission to tap them on the shoulder and say, “Your mama taught you better then that.”