Why My Definition of Sexy Shifted After 14 Years of Marriage and yours might too after reading this article!
I was around 7 months pregnant or as some would say, “Great with child.”, when I opened the door to our adorable toddler’s room.
I hadn’t been able to sleep because my body wasn’t used to my body being this size so I had to deal with back pain. Let’s just say pregnancy is not good to me. For some reason during pregnancy, my body hates all food, but eggs and ramen noodles. I normally can’t stand eating eggs or ramen noodles except when I’m pregnant. And I’m nauseous all day, every day for the whole 9 months. So when my toddler goes down for a nap I try to rest even if it that just means sitting down on the couch for 15 minutes.
Well, this particular morning my 2.5-year-old was supposed to be napping.
He was very quiet so I didn’t hear any of what was happening behind the closed doors until I went into his room to wake him up.
Then I almost barfed!
This kind of thing always happens when you’re alone
I was disgustingly surprised to find him covered in poop. Yes, the little guy slept all the while covered and surrounded in poop. The walls had poop paintings all over it from him smearing his hands on it and it reeked.
It was awful! It took everything inside me not to vomit all over him as I tried to pick him up but could barely get a handle on him because he was slippery.
My husband was out running errands. Of course, he was. This kind of thing always happens when you’re alone.
In sheer desperation, I called him. It was short and sweet, “Shit! There’s shit everywhere! You must come home asap.” I don’t make it a habit of cursing but sometimes it just seems appropriate.
He could’ve of conveniently stayed out longer but instead, he cut his errands short, ran home and not only did he wipe down the walls but he washed all of the bedding and put a fresh set of sheets on.
That’s what I’m talking about!
Who needs Indiana Jones?
Who needs a super hero to rescue the damsel in toddler-shit distress? Not me!
Oh no, I have my strong, brave and hot hubby who came to my rescue!
(If you’re rolling your eyes because you think I’m exaggerating. Wait until you experience your first diaper explosion or your very own poop wall painting then you’ll know it takes courage to walk into a room like that.)
I don’t remember all of the details but what I do recall is I didn’t have to tell my husband to do any of it.
He didn’t think twice about what he had to do.
He just did it because that’s who he is.
Now that’s sexy!
Forget that ridiculously long list “What I Want in a Husband” you came up with when you were young and naive.
After reading this you’ll want to change it and you’ll find yourself adding this to your list–
Cleans up after toddler shit-mess happens!
Oh this totally trumps the other stuff on your list like: bulging biceps, funny, intelligent, attractive, dotes over me, athletic, musically talented, wealthy…
Girl when you’re married if those bulging biceps aren’t washing dishes or changing diapers than you’re not going to care about how big they are. If he’s musically talented won’t matter unless it mean he’s up at 3 a.m. because the baby woke up crying and he’s singing him back to sleep.
Updated Version of “What I Want in a Man”
This is what I would go back and tell my single self to include on that list:
- diaper-changer -A man willing to change the diapers now that’s sexy!
- committed – I talk about this below but life is going to throw you some ups and downs. You have to be committed to walk this thing you call “marriage and family” together. There will be days when you won’t like each other but that doesn’t change your commitment to love each other through it all.
- dish washer – A man whose back side is facing you because he is bent over the sink watching dishes is absolutely “SEXY!”
- family man– Now I’m blueing! A man who sees the responsibility of raising your kids as a partnership. Not woman’s work or the mom’s responsibility but the real need that our kids need their daddy.
- helpful around the house – I know I said above that he helped with the vomiting without being asked but on most occasions I have to ask him. At first I struggled with the fact that he couldn’t see the need but I learned it’s okay for me to ask for help.
- can make those “boo-boos” better – Girl I’m gushing with giddiness over here! Usually we think of moms as the ones who make the “ouchies” better but my kids grew up knowing they had two people who could kiss their “boo-boos’ and make them better.
- perseveres through the hard stuff– A man after my own heart. Ladies, I know it’s hard to imagine this especially if you’re in the stage of life when all things are beautiful. Enjoy that stage but know that marriage and family is beautiful and it’s brutal. I call it the”Brutiful” life! You need someone who is willing to talk through the hard stuff. Notice I said “willing”. My husband was never one to initiate talking through the hard stuff but he was willing because he is committed to us, to God and to our family.
- honesty – Here’s the hard truth if you can’t trust him it’s not going to go very far. The lovely thing is you can always work to build that trust.
- a man who loves God – Now we are speaking my love language. Girl he may or may not have had the example of godly men in his life but as longs as he is willing to learn and step up to that role. It’s a process it doesn’t happen over night.
- plays with the kids even if they want to do something he hates – I’m head over heels. I remember many a day when my husband was at the dinner table doing a craft with my child who LOVED all things crafty. My husband HATES all things crafty but he sat there with a smile working alongside his son because he knew that was filling his cup.
- Willing to follow a recipe – Pinch me is he real! This is not a must but it definitely comes in handy if he is willing to follow a recipe. I know many women who have to leave their spouse with meals for days if they leave or are sick because the husband can’t cook. Not everyone can call themselves a “chef” but everyone can follow a recipe.
- vomit catcher. You got me at hello! Yes, there will be days everyone in your house is vomiting and you will need someone who is brave enough to catch and wipe down that vomit not someone who thinks it’s your job to clean it up.
- open to adventures– There are so many amazing adventures you can pay for but the reality is life in itself is an adventure. You’ll need a man who is willing to do this journey with you called “Marriage and Family”.
- hard worker – I don’t need wealthy because he’s a hard worker. If I could only sit down and tell you how important it is that your man knows when play time is over. There was a time in our life when we were struggling financially and the only way we could make ends meet was if he worked over his teacher break. He could’ve of just been irresponsible and put things on our credit card we couldn’t pay off at the end of the month but instead he found a temp company and worked at a factory over his teacher break to make ends meet. God has always provided work for this hard working man.
- supports your dreams– The picture above is from an event where I spoke to a group of men and women who were struggling in so many other ways. I had it on my heart that day to bless each person with a truth from scripture and a rose to remind that God sees them and loves them. Guess who was there to help me pass out roses and make sure I had what I needed to speak? Not only was he there to help me but he volunteered with my kids in the soup kitchen to prepare a meal for these families. Now that’s sexy!
Friends this list is the “new sexy”.
This is romance at a whole new level!
14 Years of Marriage Tip
Today we celebrate 14 years of bliss, joy, challenges, love, forgiveness, grace, friendship…
I never imagined I could possibly love him more than when I was standing under the white arch at that historical southern plantation on a hot Carolina day in May.
But I do.
Our love has deepened in ways that only time and life experiences can weave together: holding our first born, our first fight, adventuring together, failing together, sleepless nights with sick kids, camping trips gone wrong, praying together, being there for each other, trying to catch mid-air vomit in order to avoid a dirty couch….
So I’ll be the first to tell you my definition of “hot & sexy” has definitely shifted.
If you’re single forget that ridiculously long list you came up with and make a”The New Sexy” list. If you’re married and your husband is doing these things then girl, go text him and tell him how much you appreciate him.
My man is smoking hot when he looks at me and says, “You can do this. I believe in you.”
He makes me want to want him even more when he stands over the sink and washes the dishes.
Not because he loves doing it, but because he loves me. Not because this is his favorite thing to do but because he’s committed to working it through and through.”
The long walks on the beach, the dozen roses, expensive perfume or jewelry, the dates these are all great things. But it’s the little things done every day with love that add up and build a firm foundation for your marriage.”