How Pioneer Woman Grew My Faith

Little did I know how God was going to use Pioneer Woman to grow my faith.

Some days writing is my only sanity to process this fast pace world around me. So excuse the tears all over the screen as I type away.

I finally got the kids in bed and I sat at my “desk” which is also known as the dining room table.

I opened the Facebook message I received from a friend. She had a question about my Re-Entry Shower.

For the past month, my to-do list had these words scribbled on it, “Work on Re-Entry Shower: Register, make invitations and post on Facebook.”

For those of you who are wondering what the heck is a “re-entry shower”? Well, re-entry is what expats do when they return from living abroad. For the past 9 years we have been serving as volunteers/missionaries in S. America working with international youth, street kids, exploited, abused and trafficked young girls and the missionary community. We are returning back to the U.S. this summer so I’m throwing us a housewarming re-entry shower.

I answered her questions, closed my computer and headed to bed.

I was exhausted! I crawled under my covers and my husband snuggled with me. Immediately the dam broke. At first, the tears came slowly but in a matter of seconds, I was a blubbering mess.

Like the good man my husband is he asked, “Whats wrong?”

I didn’t really know. So we chuckled.

But then I realized what triggered the sobbing mess. It was my conversation with my friend on Facebook about our Re-entry Shower registry.

Our conversation was simple but each word spoken covered my heart with love and grace.

What My Heart Was Giving Birth To…

I stopped and pondered what my heart was giving birth to had God not intervened through my friend’s message.

For months I had been carrying in the womb of my heart — fear, guilt, and shame. I dreaded making our registry at Walmart and Target.

Making a list of things for our new life while mourning our present life has proven to be a difficult task for my emotionally drained heart.

I know setting up our new home is supposed to be fun. And under normal circumstances, I would have thoroughly enjoyed dreaming about all the creative ways I can make our house a home.

But the hardest part has been trying to figure out–Who am I? For close to a decade I’ve forgone the many pleasures of beautiful things in our home. Though I did my best to work with what I had to make our home beautiful by sewing my own curtains or hot gluing my latest creation.

But the questions that were haunting me were–

How will you judge me when you see our registry? Will they criticize my choices? Are you going to scoff when you see that I chose the name brand blender instead of a generic cheap one?

I’m a missionary for goodness sakes. We have lived with lumpy couches, flea-infested beds, without a fridge for 1/2 the summer, of course, I can do without a name brand blender. But…

Most things on my registry are practical, you can see for yourself. But then some things I chose because they made my heart smile.

But adding it to my registry made me feel a tinge of vanity and guilt. The prices weren’t exuberant but for some reason having a house full of nice and new things feels wrong.

Will You Open Your Heart and Receive?

Then I received this message from a friend I met in college–

“I bought the Pioneer Woman dishes because if at the end of your shower you still needed to buy them, you may be tempted to buy something more utilitarian. I wanted to you to enjoy having beauty in your home.”

Her words were healing to my soul.

Up until that night, I had no idea what my heart was wrestling with. It was like God was whispering through my friend–

Mari, I want you to delight in your creative side and sprinkle your home with beauty! Will you open your heart and receive?”

It wasn’t my hands that needed to receive that night it was my heart.