She handed me this misplaced fire station from our Christmas village set.
I almost about lost it.
Some how our Christmas village house ended up at her house.
This fire station is a part of about 9 other houses in our Christmas village. Every year we had our boys pick out 1 house to add to our little Christmas village. They are pretty expensive to collect in Ecuador so one village a year was the perfect tradition for our budget.
When I saw the fire station that used to get pulled out at Christmas by our excited boys, I was filled with a flood emotions.
This displaced fire station is exactly how I’ve been filling these past few days as we prepared for Christmas in our new home.
I feel disconnected, out of place with out the rest of my village. But don’t worry just like the light on that fire station is on, so is mine. It just feels a bit lonelier without my village. The fire station was the only village house that made it back with us.
We only had 10 suitcases to pack all of our belongings so the Christmas village in it’s entirety did not make the list. But we gladly left it with precious friends who recently sent me a picture of it in their home.
Though I feel disconnected during these holidays the reality is we are not alone here in our new home town. We are learning to make new traditions or rekindling old ones.
The Lord has blessed us with a house right down the street from my sister-in-law. We have found a church that has been very welcoming. We’ve had new friends invite us for dinner and we’ve hosted them. I even have a lovely older woman mentoring me. I haven’t had that in exactly 9 years.
It’s hard to let go but I know where we are is where we need to be.
The Grieving
But it’s hard to do birthdays and holidays without the familiar faces and joyous laughter of framily. I miss the deep conversations around our family table. I treasure all the memories of 12+ sticky little hands making gingerbread houses at our table.
Without a living room full of our children acting out the Christmas story in full “costume”. Without a half full of bundled up friends quickly practicing Christmas songs before we headed out the door to surprise carol our friends and community.
My favorite thing is serving with friends and family.
This year I didn’t call my dear friend to plan our next Christmas break framily adventure. Or emailed friends to figure out when we should meet for our tradition of watching the Nutcracker together.
In the midst of God’s goodness I just need to keep allowing myself to pause for these “mourning moments”. Once I grieve, then I need to pause again and thank Him.
I echo the words of John Piper,
Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he’s given you.
There’s a puddle of tears now but it will be gone in a few minutes until the next moment hits me. I do wish I knew when those moments were coming. They are so unexpected. The worse feeling is to have these deep emotions triggered when some one hands you a fire station or says something random.
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