I didn’t even realize it was happening. I hadn’t noticed how worry and fear was taking over and robbing me of peace of mind.
One night I started paying attention to why I couldn’t fall asleep. I was shocked at what I discovered.
I discovered I was a bully. No, I wasn’t bullying anyone but I was bullying myself around. My self talk was unreal. All of the sudden in my head I would turn on “Bossy Betty” and demanded to know why I didn’t get things done and listed everything I did wrong. And not to mention played our scenarios in my head that filled me with fear.
I would rehash all of my failures and all of the “could’ve and should haves. “I could’ve done. I should’ve done. This could’ve happened. This should’ve happened.”
All of these thoughts immediately threw my mind into a tizzy. And guess what? It was sending all sorts of messages to my brain putting it in ALERT! mode, not sleep mode. These thoughts then send signals to your brain telling it something is wrong, so your body prepares to shut down, to fight or whatever else.
Before I knew it, right in the comfort of my bed laying next to my husband in the quiet of the night I was in “Fight or Flight!” mode. It was not so quiet anymore. The worst of it all was when I was trying to fight something that wasn’t actually happening.
No wonder I couldn’t fall asleep. No wonder I felt awful inside. Who wouldn’t feel this way after rehashing all of the failures of the day? All of the fears of tomorrow.
Worrying about all of the possible dangers around the corner is enough to make your brain go into Ninja mode and before you know it your heart is beating faster, your teeth are clenched and your neck starts to feel this overwhelming sense of ache.
Though these thoughts maybe passing don’t underestimate the power they have if we allow them to linger. But don’t fret, His word reminds us, “Greater is He who is in you than He who is in the world.” 1 John 4:4
And that is what I want to talk about with you–He who is in you! His truth that is in you!
Calm Your Worry Filled Mind–Rehearse instead of Rehash
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:5
This is what I started doing to help fight against my inner critic and worry-filled mind.
Now please understand this– if you struggle with anxiety and depression these things may help but you also may need to see a professional Christian counselor who can assist you in the process.
My inner critic and fear-filled mind comes out of hiding with a vengeance when I’m struggling with other deeper root issues. I’m now aware that the inner critic and fear that begins taking over my thought life are only symptoms to a deeper problem.
Sometimes the inner critic and worry are just lingering thoughts but when they begin taking over my nights and days this is a sign that I need help.
At some point I realized I needed more than just a few tools to silence my inner critic and that I needed a counselor to help me delve into the root cause while utilizing tools like the “4 R’s to Quieting Your Mind” in the midst of it all.
The following 4 R’s are what I use on an ongoing basis that help me with the lingering inner critical thoughts and fear that sometimes come out in the midst of stress or hard days.
The 4 R’s to Quieting Your Mind: Receive. Release. Rehearse. Rest.
Receive His grace. I start with grace because what better way to enter into some sort of peace than by entering through the door of God’s grace. Usually when our minds are functioning in “distortion” mode we are in our “emotional” part of our brain. The fancy words for that is our Lymbic system and Amygdala.
So when we are functioning from our “emotional brain” we can’t go in trying to fix things immediately and slap on “band-aids” of scripture or whatever else you do that helps. Why doesn’t this work? Well sometimes it does but it usually helps me for like 10 seconds and then your mind picks up where it left off. When we approach ourselves without acknowledging where we are at, we are using our “thinking brain” (pre-frontal cortex). Depending on how heightened our fear or worry we usually aren’t calm enough to even hear the truth of our “thinking brain” so we need to enter in starting with empathy.
Have you ever tried talking over a person or child who is irrational? They can’t hear you until they’ve calm down. They are in the “emotional brain” and can’t hear your “thinking brain” message. Empathy helps us calm down and acknowledges that God is not up in heaven pointing down His finger at you ready to scold you.
Instead we start by meeting ourselves where we are at and that’s with His calming Truth.
So this might look like using empathy and God’s truth, “This day was really busy. I can see why it was so frustrating and how hard it was to stay calm with the kids. (empathy)
I’m so glad God’s love for me doesn’t change based on how my day played out.(His Truth)”
This kind of self-talk is not ignoring what we’ve done wrong (if we did something wrong) it’s simply remembering we are sinners BUT God makes all the difference. Christ on the cross changed everything for us. We are sinners BUT no longer guilty, no longer unclean, no longer ashamed.
An important part of receiving His grace is acknowledging where you’re at and bringing it to the Lord. This will look like you letting go of trying to be okay. So it means you’ll be saying things like: I am worried. I was frustrated, disappointed, jealous, hurt or sad and confused.
Release the lies. The thing about your worry or your inner critic is that it sounds so true (in the moment, in the quietness of your head) which is why you end up believing it’s voice.
So you’ll need to ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom in spotting the lies. Sometimes it’s very obvious other times it’s disguised in half-truths. Talk to someone about those thoughts, sometimes just saying them outlaid helps us see how far from the truth they really are. Go to the Lord with these thoughts, “Heavenly Father, I’m so disappointed with my behavior today that I can’t even tell the difference between the enemies condemning voice and your truth. Help me!”
Once you’ve spotted the lies you need to bring them to the feet of Jesus and ask Him to let go of them. “Heavenly Father, I bring to your feet the lie that I will damage my children for the rest of their life for how I handled that situation today. I bring to your feet my thoughts that I’m going to mess up my children. That my son will never figure out how to be honest and it will mess up all of his relationships. This situation does not make him a compulsive liar nor does this mistake mean it will define his future. You tell me in your word that I can be confidant of this that the good work you began in him you will finish to the end. (Phil 1:6) In your name, amen.”
In the morning, or whenever you’re more cognizant ask God to help you realize what is triggering these lies. When does it happen most often? What are the lies usually about? What was I listening to? Watching? or What was I doing that triggered these lies? Jot this down. There’s usually an underlying pattern.
When we are releasing the lies we may discover that Repentance is needed. Sometimes it’s not, but more often than not God shows me that the thoughts I am releasing to Him were filled with jealousy, bitterness, lack of forgiveness or some other controlling tendency of mine. Repenting is healing to the soul so don’t skip this if the Holy Spirit is nudging you.
“If we confess our sins He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
Listen closely though this “acknowledgement of repentance” is a gentle voice calling us to repentance it is not a condemning voice calling you names. So release the lies & worry and leave out the condemnation. Repent without the condemnation. Acknowledge what you need to repent of and let it go. Do not sit with it and fill yourself with condemning thoughts, those are not of God.
Releasing the lies is an active step. It’s a choice we have to make. Sometimes we ask God to take the worry or fear away but we are holding tight to the lies. We aren’t willing to let go of the lies we are believing. Jot down the lies or thoughts you are believing. As you pray, ask God to give you wisdom to recognize the lies. If you can’t at the moment, come back to this when you’re calm. Go through the list of thoughts or lies with your Bible and ask God to show you His truth about each thought. Jot down the truth right next to the lie and mark a big fat X over the lies. Sometimes it helps to go over those thoughts with a trusted friend or counselor.
Releasing requires surrender!
Surrender can be hard but it’s in this place that we discover peace.
Rehearse His Faithfulness. Make God’s truth your most trusted ally. Here in this place of rehearsing His faithfulness is where we submit ourselves, our minds to His truth. When we are filled with worry or lies we can’t trust our feelings, nor our experiences, Bossy Betty or whatever voice is replaying in our mind– only God’s truth is a reliable source.
Instead of spending our sleepless nights rehashing all that went wrong and what we did wrong fill your mind with rehearsing His faithfulness.
This “rehearsing” looks different for me depending on the situation but it always involves replacing the lies, replacing the worry or fear with truth.
You have to replace those thoughts, fears, worry, lies. You can’t just tell yourself to stop thinking about it because that will only make you think about it more. So you have to replace those thoughts with a truth, praise song, short prayers, things that are good.
Paul knew exactly what he was talking about in Philipians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Sometimes in my sleepless and restless state all I can do is what I call “breath prayers”–Breathe in Jesus. Breathe out the lies. Breathe in His Truth. Breathe out the fear.” Other times, I fill my mind with God’s word and He brings to mind verses. I have a few jotted down by my bedside so when I can’t remember, they are at arms length to remind me. I also like singing a praise song to snap me out of my trance of fear. If it’s during waking hours, I have texted my husband or a trusted friend and asked for prayer. Journaling really helps me as well.
One night when I was letting fear take over I began rehearsing His faithfulness in the life of my son whom I found myself worried about. I went through each area where God had met him and before I knew it I was out and asleep again. It brought my heart peace so much so that I was able to fall asleep again.
Rest. Finally we have Rest. Rest your heart, mind and soul in His truth and love. If there are things robbing your joy your peace of mind, triggering anxiety, stress, fear and worry–remove it. I kind of mentioned this in some of the points above but I’m going to focus on it here because we can’t enjoy peace of mind or rest in our hearts when set ourselves up for fear and worry. Rest means to rely on His truth not our own strength.
Earlier this year I had to get real with change. I knew something had to give but I wasn’t sure what it was. So I payed closer attention and realized I had to go to bed earlier, not read or watch the news before going to bed, and to stop watching a TV show that was too much for my compassionate heart.
When I started doing this it was amazing how my night time anxiety was much more manageable. I don’t know what triggers you, is it social media, news, certain friends, TV shows, food…?
I’m not saying social media is bad or TV is bad but what I am saying is that we have to guard our hearts.
Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
That verse is no joke. I recently went back to my old ways and started staying up later and reading the news at night again. Guess what I found myself doing at night? I was filled with fear and worry again because I wasn’t guarding my heart. Don’t just pray for peace and rest but be proactive in removing those things that are robbing your heart of that joy.
In order to truly enjoy rest in our heart and mind, we have to remove and cut some things out of our life to make room for those things that really fulfill us– fully fill us with truth.
In rest you will find, that God sings over you and delights in you. Resting in His truth and promises of who God says He is even if…
brings us joy.
The Honest Truth
I tried to make this simple by keeping it all R’s for you to remember–Receive. Release. Rehearse. Rest. But I have to be honest with you, it’s not easy! You’ll need your boxing gloves on because the fight is real. Sometimes rehashing our failures and believing the lies is easier than fighting it but don’t settle for easy because His peace that sings over us is so worth it.
For some of us, you’ve been rehashing the negative, the errors, rehearsing the lies instead of the truth, for years. As a result of this, you have paved deep engrained paths in your brain that immediately take you down this path of fear or worry when you’re are triggered.
So listen closely–be patient but don’t give up.
Know that your flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of our heart and our portion forever. Psalms 73:26
These paths we’ve created are on autopilot so it will take some work and fighting to get out of our automatic response to criticism, stress, worry or fear. So lean in to Him!
Rest assured that you’ll find refuge in His truth. Not in who you are but in Him.
In my state of deep fear or worry, I don’t need to hear that I am enough, or what I did today is enough because the reality is it won’t always be but what I need to remember is what Jesus Christ did on the cross is enough and will always be enough!
Get your free printable!
Print this off and keep near your bedside or on your fridge!
Click HERE for a FREE printable of : The 4 R’s to Quieting Your Mind