• About Us
    • Our Blog Story
    • Advertise
    • contact us
    • Link Parties
    • Our Contributors
    • Founding Editor
  • contact us

Inspired by Family

brave moms. strong families.

  • home
  • family
    • love & marriage
    • parenting
  • Faith
  • feasting
    • appetizers
    • main course & sides
    • dessert
    • drinks
    • breakfast
  • Fun
    • kids crafts
    • home crafts
    • home decor
    • Travel
  • Shop
  • Book

family parenting

An Amazing Tip to Teach Your Kids How to Handle Conflict & Sibling Rivalry

If you have more than one child in your house you’re probably very familiar with sibling rivalry. No matter how peaceful or smoothly your children play it’s important we teach them healthy conflict resolution.

Some years ago I shared with you our Talk It Out method that we use in our home regularly to help with the conflict between our children.  Recently I decided to condense it in a more catchy way so our kids can memorize it.

Let them Talk It Out

You may have a child who has big emotions and struggles with expressing their emotions in a healthy way or another child who avoids conflict at all cost and he would rather pretend everything is fine. Our simple conflict resolution tool will help children and adults of all ages but we must let them as parents learn to talk it out.

Notice we are not simply just saying “Work it out yourselves!” but we are actually giving them tools to talk it out with our “Talk It Out” method below.

Our Talk It Out method has worked wonderfully in our home for several years. It has also helped my children navigate conflict outside our home. I’ve even had teachers tell me that my children were helping other kids navigate conflict. It made me so happy because conflict is a part of our life no matter how friendly we are. You can see the original “Talk It Out” method HERE.

Even though it has worked wonderfully it did take some time from us as parents with being consistent and not taking on the role of “referee” but allowing them instead to talk things out. This was very hard for me at the beginning but it was worth working through it. With practice and modeling, we’ve become good at it.

Our rule of thumb is if you can’t ignore it or walk away from it then you need to talk it out. They must try those three things before we get involved as parents. The caveat would be that violence and damaging something requires the help of an adult immediately. You may need to tweak this rule of thumb to fit with your kid’s personalities. If you have a child who would rather ignore conflict or walk away from it to avoid conflict then you’ll probably not include the beginning part of our rule of thumb.

An Amazing Tip to Teach Your Kids How to Handle Conflict & Sibling Rivalry

Have you heard of “I” Statements? Basically “I” statements help you address conflict by letting someone know how you felt instead of accusing them. Our temptation is to go straight to a vague accusation –You are so mean.

I truly believe “I” statements are helpful for people of all ages. Because as you know conflict doesn’t end when we get older. Practicing healthy conflict resolution at home with the people you love is a great place to begin.

The one thing we do for simple conflict resolution is we have both children use “I” messages. So “I” messages always start with “I” because you’re sharing how you feel as a result of someone’s actions or lack of. This helps the other person not feel attacked because you are sharing how you feel not coming at them with an accusation. Then the person you’re talking to shares their “I” message that is slightly different and ends with asking for forgiveness. Children do not automatically know how to apologize so it’s important that we teach them this just as we would teach them to say “thank you” and “please”.

  • The child that is upset will say:
    I feel…
    When you…
    I would like for you to…
  • The other child responds with:
    I heard you say that you feel …
    When I…
    I apologize for …. Will you forgive me?

Here’s an example of what it would look like if one child took a toy from another child.

The child that is upset starts by saying:

I feel really mad when you took my truck without asking. I would like for you to ask me before you use my toys.

The other child responds with:

I heard you say that you feel mad when I took your truck without asking. I apologize for taking your truck and hurting your feelings. Will you forgive me?

You can download this printable for free HERE—-> Talk it Out!!

Modeling and Practicing Conflict Resolution

Our kids need lots of modeling and guidance when you first start using “Talk It Out” especially if you have children who are used to stuffing everything and pretending they are okay or your exploders who are enraged at the drop of a pin.

Talk it Out is pretty simple but these are foundational steps in conflict resolution 101.

I have also used it as well in our home when I find myself feeling irritated but not sure what is happening. This encourages my children to use it as they see me modeling it and it truly does help me when I verbalize, label, and feel heard.

You will also need to walk them through the process the first month or so but before you know it they’ll be doing it all on their own. We have them face each other before they “Talk it Out”.

What happens when the other person doesn’t change?

It’s a good reminder for your kids to know that “I” statements are not magical. In the real world, the reality is the other person may choose not to acknowledge your feelings much less apologize. Just because you used an “I” statement doesn’t mean things will turn out as you wanted.

This is why it’s important to practice this at home where it’s a safe place and to remind our children we choose healthy conflict resolution for ourselves.

Regardless of how the other person responds or if it changes our situation we engage in healthy conflict resolution for our own well-being. It helps us become empowered and self-aware when we can label what is happening within us and to proactively share our needs. And not to mention it’s a peaceful way to move towards conflict resolution.

 

 

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google
  • Pinterest
  • More
  • Print
  • Email
  • LinkedIn
  • Tumblr
  • Reddit
  • Pocket

Related Posts You Will Enjoy!

  • 3 Simple Steps to Help Your Kids with Sibling Conflict

    Lately we've been super busy and out of our normal routine, so we've noticed that…

  • Conflict Resolution: The One Thing Kids Should Remember

    Below I share the one thing kids need to remember in the midst of conflict.…

  • Kids Craft: Gumball Bracelets

    I love the colors in these fun gumball bracelets.  I don't have any girls of…


1 Comment

« Summer Schedule & Check-In To Bring A Little Structure to Your Home
How To Break Negative Thought Patterns for Kids and Adults »

Comments

  1. Ava James says

    July 29, 2020 at 11:29 am

    Some great ideas to learn about resolving conflict from a young age, thanks for sharing!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

About Inspired by Familia Inspired by Familia on Facebook Pinterest Google Plus Twitter Image Map

Inspired by Familia

Newly Released Book! Click on Images

Get your free printable now! Click on image below.

© Inspired by Family (also known as ME Mari Eugenia), 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from the owner of Inspired by Family is strictly prohibited. One picture with a link back may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to Inspired by Family and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Copying a post partially, or fully, is strictly prohibited. Disclosure: Mari Hernandez-Tuten is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

To view click on a image below!

Subscribe to our weekly newsletters and be the first to receive all of our free printables!



  • Creative Date Ideas for Busy Parents: A Year of Dating Your Spouse
  • Printable Book Report Forms {Elementary}
  • A Fun Way to Teach Table Manners to Kids
  • Valentine's Day Printable: "You've Been Heart Attacked" Activity
  • 10 Fun Musical Party Games
  • 15 Neighbor Gifts: No Baking or Crafting Ideas
  • Fun Game to Learn the Numbers: Numbers Car Wash
  • 28 Things Your Family Needs to Hear You Say

Archives

Categories

More Great Posts on All Things Family!

Throw Those “Parenting Theories” Out the Window

Throw Those “Parenting Theories” Out the Window

Entertaining: 5 Christmas Breakfast Party Recipes

Strawberry Bacon & Pecan Salad

Strawberry Bacon & Pecan Salad

Healthy Snacks

Healthy Snacks

Churro Puppy Chow

Churro Puppy Chow

© Mari Hernandez-Tuten, Founder and Editor of Inspired by Family Magazine 2012-present.As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts (no more then 2 sentences) with a link back to content may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Mari Hernandez-Tuten of Inspired by Family Magazine with appropriate and specific link to the original content.

MyFreeCopyright.com Registered & Protected

Copyright © 2021 · Divine theme by Restored 316

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.