Loving Your Man When it Hurts Pt.1: For Better or For Worse

Love is not love. Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark. That looks on Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom…. Sonnet 116

Love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (I Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It can only come from God.

Contributing Writer: Karen Provost

A couple of years ago, we celebrated our 25th Anniversary. Andre stood at the front of the church, handsome in his suit and tie. Again, I walked down the aisle, not in a long white gown, but in a lovely, royal blue dress, fit for the occasion. We were renewing our vows to love, honor and cherish each other but this time it was harder.

Andre and I met at a mission’s convention in April and were married in July.  We were both thirty-one years old and understood that marriage was 99% commitment and the rest would fall into place. Needless to say, we did not really know each other. Our backgrounds were similar: we were both raised in large Catholic families; both of us had lived in several locations growing up; we both graduated from the same bible college and had a calling to missions.

Soon after we got married, we moved to Thailand to start our missionary life together. We studied language for a year and then I got pregnant. We had our struggles as any newlyweds: finances, communication, boundaries. And we learned. But after several years of marriage, we felt like we needed counseling. We did not seem to be communicating well and I was getting depressed. But we were committed to each other and to the Lord. We lived from one counseling session to the next, Andre oblivious to the problem, but knowing that I was unhappy.

We continued that way for over 20 years, when I went back to school to get a degree in Human Development for my teacher certification. In one of my classes, one of students gave a report on Asperger’s Syndrome. Some of the indicators that she mentioned were that the person felt uncomfortable in a crowd, was focused and knowledgeable on a few topics, was unable to express feelings, was unable to empathize, and had a strong sense of right and wrong (a black or white mentality).

I thought, “That sounds like Andre.”

The diagnosis was confirmed the following summer. Now we had something to work with, a reason for our misunderstandings. Now I did not blame Andre, but I did grieve over the things that I would not have with my husband and the things that I would have to learn to deal with. It is not always easy. In fact, sometimes I find myself singing a song that was popular when I was a teenager. The lyrics go like this:

“I don’t like you, but I love you,

Seems that I’m always thinking of you

You really gotta hold on me.”

 

It is our Father who has a hold on us. He brought us together for a reason. The things that I saw in Andre before we got married – his love for the Lord, his faithfulness, his tenacity are what I focus on when I get discouraged. With God’s help, we are learning to listen to each other. Andre realizes that he is atypical. He now tells me that I could have married someone better than he. The truth is, through all the ups and downs, the good and the bad, God brought us together and He is working in both of our lives for His glory.

I love the man who cheered me on as I got my teaching certification and my Master’s Degree. And he loves the woman who stands beside him and supports him in his church planting efforts. We have both accomplished more married to each other than we could have otherwise.

A marriage made in heaven? Probably, but God lets us work out the details on earth. We thank the Lord that He promised to be right here with us as we walk this road together.

Karen Provost is a mother of four, she serves as a missionary teacher at an International School in South America and supports her husband in his ministry as a church planter.

loving  your man series

For all of the wonderful stories of healing, hope and redemption in this series here

Photo Credits: Flickr-Mzpromise

“Loving Your Man When It Hurts” February Series

loving your man

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

Have you ever sat in the shower crying?

Wondering–what was I thinking?

What did I get into?

How in the world are we going to get through this….?

 but at the end all you could manage to mumble out was “God, help us, help me.”

6 8 Real Women Share their Stories…

From all ages and walks of life

The month of February!

Stop on by and be encouraged as they share how God redeemed, is redeeming their story.  Nothing is wasted in His eyes!

Whether you’re engaged, been married 50+ years or are a newly wed, these stories Whisper His Name, and will encourage you in  your journey!

Don’t miss an article and follow us via:

 1. Email and subscribe here.

2. Pinterest  Facebook or Twitter!

We will share a story each week, plus one of our wonderful contributing authors from this series will be giving away one of her books (You will receive instantly, no hassling with postage) to a lucky winner!

Share the Love and help spread the word about this series!

We all need a dose of hope now and then in our marriages, right!

First story:  For Better or Worse

Tidbit: In Forgiveness There is Freedom

Second Story: Truth Be Told

Third Story: 44 Years Later, Looking Back On Our Marriage

Fourth Story: My Man: Enemy or Ally 

Fifth Story: Expectations & Communication 

Sixth Story: Infertility  

7th Story: Divorce

8th Story: His Side of the Story

Valentines Message Pillow

Contributing Writer: Virginia Davidson
When thinking of Valentine’s Day it’s hard not to think of the candy hearts with messages. Playing with that idea a bit I wondered what a pillow would look like with secret messages for my hubby.
Place the pillow on your bed and heart flap opens with a love message.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth– for your love is more delightful than wine. ~ Song of Solomon 1:2 (NIV)

Now I have pillows to throw some treats into for my husband,
or a little love note. This would also be a great gift for your kids!

Supplies:
  • Main fabric
  • Coordinating fabric
  • Thread
  • Sewing Machine
  • Chalk
  • Pins

Optional:

  • cut out pocket
  • add button/button hole
  • “made by” tag
  • add a message on the main part of pillow before sewing together –
  • some examples ~ kiss me, zzzz, let’s chat, wanna play?

Directions:

  • Lay out fabric
  • Cut out main heart shape (2)
  • Cut out medium size heart shape (2)
  • Sew smaller heart together – right sides together (use a larger seam allowance than normal), leaving a 3 inch opening to turn.
  • Clip curves
  • Turn right side out
  • DO NOT close the hole where you turned it
  • Take larger heart pieces and sew a message on both sides if you’d like. (For correct placement put the smaller heart you just made up against it and trace the area you need to stay within with chalk.)
  • NOTE I do not have an embroidery machine….I just used my free-motion quilting foot for one side and a simple stitch for the other. Just write out your word(s) in chalk and sew!
  • Place main heart pieces right sides together.
  • Place smaller heart with the opening pulled out into the seam of the main heart pillow.
  • Pin.
  • Place “made by” tag in seam allowance.
  • Sew around the edge.
  • Clip curves.
  • Turn right side out.
  • Stuff it!
  • Hand or machine stitch opening closed.
  • Optional:
  • Add a button and button-hole!
measure your button to see the length you need for the button hole! This one was 16.

I hope you try to create your own message pillows! Let us know if you do!

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all


together in perfect unity. ~ Colossians 3:14