Contributing Writer: Dave Saavedra
~Iron Sharpens Iron Series~ Wives pass it on to your men!
After 8 years of marriage and 4 children, I’ve come to realize the painful truth that I am pretty bad at being a husband! I could easily list all the selfish acts of betrayal that have marred both my wife and me, but that’s not what I am referring to. A good friend of mine once confessed,
“It’s as if I have a roommate for a wife, instead of a wife for a wife.”
Unfortunately, I can relate. On my best day I can do all the things a good roommate would do. I can wash the dishes, take out the trash, put the kids to sleep and ten other useful acts of home maintenance. For me it’s a lot easier to keep the home in order than to keep my marriage in order. What I realized was the simple truth that I still needed to court, date and woo my wife. The fact that I needed to look up how to spell “woo” suggests I wasn’t doing it.
It was shortly after coming to this realization that I came across 1 Peter 3:7, which in summary states, “Husbands, your prayers are affected by how well you treat your wives.”
Not roommates… wives! It was pretty obvious I needed help!
My first thought was that I needed to get into a Bible study with some other others guys to talk about my problem.
My second thought was, “I’d rather eat glass.”
My third thought was a quote from one of my favorite movies, “Enough talk, let’s fight!”
My biggest hang up with the idea of a guys group is all the psychoanalysis of our marriages and wives that can go on. Too much talk and not enough action!
What I really want is a group of guys who will look me in the face and ask me,
“What are you doing this week to woo your wife?”
And then we’d work together to make it happen. For some reason my ability to plan creative, wife-centered dates evaporated after I got married. I need to connect with my wife. We need to talk about ideas, dream dreams, hold each other, laugh out loud, practice hospitality and even cry together… if I have to. For me, that’s not going to happen unless I plan space and time for it.
If it were up to my current pattern of living, I’d do what I needed to do and then go to my happy place – known by some as the “nothing box”. There’s no room in the nothing box for a wife…just me and maybe a good action flick. I need someone who will drag me off the couch and put a phone in my hand to call the sitter for Friday night. This is the kind of accountability I need!
I want to be better husband. I need to be a better husband. Part of achieving this, I am convinced, is being more proactive in making time for my wife. But why do this alone? How great would it be to have a group of men who want to stir me up to love and good works… or hot dates… so that my prayers and marriage will be more powerful and effective!
Thus was formed a small group, of 3 missionary male teachers who meet in a six grade classroom. A time for them to discuss, share, encourage and spur each other on in this journey. “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17 Find a group of men who can challenge you to be better husbands, when you hear it from another man it’s a challenge, it’s a “I triple dog dare you.”
Husbands/Wives how do you guard and protect your marriage from turning into a roommate situation?
image via flickr-Russ Morris
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Hi, my name is Dave. I am a missionary kid who became a highschool Bible teacher at an international school. I don’t really know where to call home. I’d rather play soccer or build LEGOS with my boys than attend another Bible study. I get cranky when my sports teams lose. I married a hottie whose awesome cooking keeps me from losing those 10 lbs I gained from eating at Wendy’s the last time I was in the United States. My four kids inspire me to be a better person.
