It’s amazing how these intentional 20 minutes connect us with our kids!
It helps us stop for a moment and think about what is robbing our joy or keeping us from enjoying our relationship with God. I especially love that it naturally leads us into deeper conversation.
These questions remind our kids that we are a team and most importantly they are not alone. It fosters teamwork, unity and love.
The Questions Come From Two Verses
The monthly check in touches on 5 key themes: emotional, spiritual, mental, physical and relational. It was inspired from two verses in the book of Mark.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. And Love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:30-31
Remember These 3 Things
There are three important thing we must remember as we go through these check-ins with our family. First, we are not the Holy Spirit. Secondly, our desire with these check-ins is not to control but to connect. And lastly, let’s keep this verse at the forefront of our heart and mind “I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6)
How to Have A Monthly Check-In
Meet for at least 20 minutes with your child and go through this high five monthly check-in. You can make it date/hangout time with them and go somewhere or just find a place at home where you can touch base with your child. Don’t try to do this with 2 children at one time it won’t work. It’s important for you to be fully resent.
Make sure to take some notes so you remember to follow up the next time you meet. I have my check-ins spread out at different times of the month so I can enjoy my time with each child. It’s just easier that way for me but do what works best with your schedule.
- Go on a date with your child either at home or out. Remember keep it simple since you’ll be doing this once a month with your child. Go to the park and play for a few minutes and let them know you’ll pause to do the “High Five Questions” and then you can play some more.
- Start with prayer! Then take out your High Five Questions printable. (free download below)
- Continue with encouragement or gratitude. I’m thankful for you because… You can share something specific you have noticed.
96% of the time, you can predict the outcome of a conversation based on the first three minutes of the interaction.” – John Gottman
4. Then say we are going down this list and do the High Five Questions! Each one touches on 5 important areas: emotional, spiritual, mental, physical and relational:
- Love the Lord your God with all your heart (emotional) – How’s your heart? What’s stealing your joy? What’s bringing you happiness? What made you feel excited? Lonely?
- Your soul (spiritual) -Between 1-10 with 10 being awesome and 1 being awful tell me how you’re doing spiritually? Why?Are you connecting with God on a deeper level? Are you reading His word?
- Your mind (mental/educational) – What are you learning in school that frustrates you? What are you learning that you enjoy? Between 1-1- with 10 being awesome and 1 being awful How is your thought life honoring God? What subjects are you good at? What do you need more support in?
- Your strength (physical) – Hows your health? Are you regularly incorporating exercise into your day? How are you using your gifts and talents? Are there some foods in your life you need to eliminate? Add?
- Your neighbor as yourself (relational)- Are you sharing God’s love to non-believers? Are you engaging with others in conversation? Is there a friendship or relationship that frustrates you? Or encourages you? Who? Why? Is there a friendship you need to ask God to help you let go of because it’s pulling you away from good things? How can we better parents?
5. End with a high five and expressing your joy with this time to hangout and express your love to them both verbally and physically.
Go to the link to download and print off your own High Five Questions:High Five Monthly Family Check-Ins
When asking the questions don’t push too hard, and don’t interrogate. Do some active listening and paraphrasing back each thing the child says so you can ensure that you’re on track with what they are saying.
Afterwards, you may want to take it to the next level and ask these questions- What would you like to see change or different? If you decide to set some goals in each or one of these areas remember to ask how you can encourage them.
We also use this for our marriage and tweak some of the questions.